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Voiceless

Voiceless

Voiceless

I watched as she sat with silence
She hardly uttered a word and when she did it was softly spoken
Her hands were clasped and her head mostly hung down or stared off into nothingness
Very seldom did her eyes meet his
Her demeanor did not represent humility – it spoke of fear
Her behaviour was learnt

Z E R O voice.

She was spoken AT and TO but not WITH
I wondered how many years she lived this way

Voiceless.
Silent.
DEAD.

Hardly Breathing

She had to be in her early 70s
I suspect she spent very many years this way

MINIMIZED.

IRRELEVANT.

VOICELESS.

But not him
He was loud
Powerful AND confident
Every single letter he spoke mattered
It could have mattered to all of us sitting at Coffee Bean while he spewed his words at her
If any one else took a moment to notice them
But mostly everyone sat in their own worlds
Not seeing a broken soul in their midst.

But I saw
And I heard

He was not silent
He sat tall and his echo was resounding
Even more so, his EGO
He had all say and every thought mattered
She sometimes softly answered him…
So softly that he had to ask her to repeat it

I wondered how many times he had overpowered her
And all the ways in which he did it
I wondered…
How many millions of deaths she died every time she tried to claim her self respect

I wished I could reach over and tell her to reclaim her power
I wished I could step in and be the voice she needed
But I know this is something we have to learn mostly on our own
Only when we get enough

I wondered if she had children
And do they know she is dead inside
Her heart was beating
But her voice was gone
I wonder if they ever tried to be a voice for her
I wonder if she cried herself to sleep last night
Or did she just die another death as she closed her eyes
And thought of her day, her last week, her last month
And all those years she can never get back.

I wonder if she even knows…
She was just barely existing amongst the crowd of people in Coffee Bean

-Jeannie Shaw

Boy Bye!

Boy Bye!

I don’t know what makes me care so much that I lose myself
That they become more important than me
That they become priority over all things
That I would be so willing to release my power
FOR. WHAT. REASON?

I don’t know what makes me care so much that I can’t sleep at night
That their word becomes THE word
That their approval is needed
That I would be so willing to dim my shine
FOR. WHAT. REASON?

I don’t know what makes me care so much that I feel like I can’t breathe
That they BECOME my breath
That they decipher how and when I sleep
That I would be so willing to lose me loving them
FOR. WHAT. REASON?

But then…
I don’t know at what point it all fades away
And it ALWAYS does
The fussing
The trying
The wanting
The caring
The loving

They just fade
As if… they never existed
And I get back to me

And then they always come running back
FOR. WHAT. REASON?

Boy Bye!

Truth Is…

Truth Is…

Truth is…

I’m just not interested
I just don’t know how to say it.
I don’t know how to let the words roll of my tongue
I’m afraid they will hit you harder than the loudest Lambeg drum

Truth is…

I just don’t see you that way
I just don’t know how to say it.
I don’t know how to let my true feelings, or lack thereof, unfold
I don’t know if they might be among the harshest words you’ve ever been told

Truth is…

I just don’t feel for you like that
In.
That.
Way.
You know.
I just don’t know how to say it
I don’t know how to let the truth find the boss in me
I don’t know how to deliver the words… they are lost in me.

Truth is…

I’m just not that into you.

Sorry.

Jeannie Shaw Poetry
Belizean Poet
March 2015

No Thank You

No Thank You

Dull your shine
It’s too bright
You look too happy
You’re starting to resemble
Sunlight
Starlight
Moonlight

Dull your sexy
It doesn’t speak of your pain
You look too confident
You’re starting to resemble
Contentment
Alignment
Strength

Dull your picture taking
It’s too much information!

Dull your freedom
It’s taken way too much flight!

Dull your smile
It’s screaming that you have expanded!

You look too contented
It doesn’t speak of…

The Sadness
The Hurt
The Brokenness
The Control
The Powerlessness
The Defeat
The Words

O!
The
Freakin’
Words!!!

Dull your poetry

Dull your selfie

Dull your creativity

Dull your seduction

In fact,
Here’s a [BOX]
Live In It

No Thank You!

November 2014
Poetry by Jeannie Shaw

Hard Pressed on All Sides

Hard Pressed on All Sides

Hard pressed on all sides
Flattened like paper
Walls closing in
Nowhere to go
Can’t turn
Stand
Be
Hard pressed on all sides
That was me

That day… I lie
THOSE days
Knocking on doors
That would not open
Can’t think
Hear
See
Hard pressed on all sides
That was me

O, I hate that day… I lie
THOSE days…
When I felt
Hard pressed on all sides
But they come sometimes
And sometimes they are me

Copyright November 2nd 2014
Jeannie Shaw Poetry

I Am The Weakest Link

I Am The Weakest Link

Breaths and kisses
And butterflies
Heaving movements
Where my heart lies

Walls and pressing
And pinning abound
Lips that flirt
But don’t touch down

Fingers and skin
And bodies that sync
My breasts to his chest
That’s it!

I Am The Weakest Link

October 2014
Jeannie Shaw Poetry

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